Pope Francis had been dead for only a short while when Democratic lawmakers in the United States began hatching an unbelievable conspiracy theory: U.S. Vice President J.D. Vance, who met privately with the Pontiff hours before his death, might’ve assassinated him.
Bells rang across Rome early Easter Monday after the Vatican announced Francis’ return to God at 7:35 in the morning, ending his 12-year papacy. He had long battled lung disease, an affliction resultant from having had part of his left lung removed when he was in his 20s. In February this year, he developed a case of double pneumonia and was hospitalized for 39 days, intubated during his convalescence. His closest advisors expected he’d die in the hospital. In short, Francis, 88 at his time of death, was frail and terminally ill.
As a digression, I admittedly have difficulty writing objectively about Francis, a chameleon who reportedly sheltered pedophile priests and cardinals while claiming to be a servant of God. Abundant are stories of muffled screams emanating from the colossal labyrinth of interconnecting tunnels and chambers deep beneath the walled city, its secrets protected by the Pontifical Swiss Guard. This armed security force, sometimes dubbed the world’s smallest army, has standing orders to eliminate unauthorized visitors seeking access to the Apostolic Palace or the catacombs that lie beneath. However, expounding on Vatican secrecy and cover-ups is beyond this article’s scope.
On Easter Sunday, the fake news media went wild with stories of Pope Francis snubbing Vance due to his animus for the Trump administration; Francis had publicly criticized Trump’s treatment of illegal aliens and position on climate change. Soon after, the “snubbing” stories proved false, as photographs of Vance and Francis meeting behind closed doors went public. Vance may have been one of the last people to see Francis alive, a possibility dastardly Democrats hope to exploit for political advantage.
An hour after Cardinal Kevin Farrell announced the Pope’s transition to “the Kingdom of God,” U.S. Army Cyber Command (ARCYBER), which routinely monitors Deep State chatter, began overhearing conversations in which Deep State operatives wondered aloud whether Vance assassinated Francis.
Among the calls ARYCYBER eavesdropped on was one between liberal lunatic Alexandria Ocasio Cortez and squad-mate Ilhan Abdullahi Omar. Cortez’s diseased mind crafted a fantastical James Bond-like scenario whereby Vance, at the behest of President Trump, used some type of delayed poison to kill Francis. She told Omar she had watched a spy movie featuring an assassin who wore a ring with a microscopic needle that injected poison into the bloodstream of whoever shared a handshake with the assassin. In the film, AOC said, the slow-acting poison took several hours to kill the target. She also suggested Vance could’ve discretely put liquid, colorless, odorless poison in the Pope’s glass of water.
It’s unclear why AOC shared her suspicions with an un-American Muslim who worships Allah and despises Christianity and Catholicism, but Omar gave credence to the hypothesis, saying Francis’ outspoken contempt and disdain for Trump’s immigration policies might’ve provoked Trump’s wrath.
“This Pope, if he convinced all Catholics to not like Donald Trump, it would be very bad for him,” Omar said. “We know Trump is not above having people killed. He is an evil, capricious man. If Vance killed the Pope, and it can be proven, it will be bad for Trump and good for you.”
“It will be great for me since I’ll be the next president or vice president of the United States in 2028,” AOC responded.
Omar then encouraged AOC to call friendly forces familiar with the intricacies of poisoning.
Less than 15 minutes later, ARCYBER earwigged a telephone conversation between AOC and Leon Panetta, who served as Barack Hussein Obama’s CIA director from 2009 to 2011. She asked about the complexities of one person poisoning another in the presence of guards and translators.
“There are hundreds of ways to do it,” Panetta admitted, “but it requires training, training, training, and more training not to get caught. Why are you asking?”
“Could Vance have killed Pope Francis?” AOC asked.
“I didn’t even know he was dead or that they’d met,” Panetta said.
AOC explained the circumstances of the meeting.
“Vance is a politician not a covert operative,” Panetta said. “Contract killings are done by innominate agents, not vice presidents. Then again, the notion is so inconceivable it could be true, but, like I said, it takes training to avoid being caught or implicated. You’d need irrefutable evidence or a damn good lie to make it stick. And I’m not saying that’s what you should do—I’m only theorizing since you lack discretion and are talking to me on an unsecured line. Talk to your House friends; they’ll clue you in on how to do things right and talk to me securely.”
Our ARCYBER source said: “We’ve deepened our investigation into AOC and now Panetta, a Deep Stater we let slide because he’d been off the radar for such a long time. That Vance killed Pope Francis is so ridiculous no sane person could believe it, but if there’s a conspiracy afoot to make him the scapegoat, well, anyone involved in that conspiracy is guilty of treason.”