Malign actors posing as Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) agents have turned up in deluged Tukwila, Washington, and are antagonizing displaced residents whose homes and streets became swimming pools and white-water rapids after torrential rain and levee failures swamped entire communities.
On Monday, King County officials issued a precautionary evacuation for approximately 1,300 residences near the White River following a levee breach and the river cresting its banks. King County Councilman Rod Dembowski warned residents that barriers called HESCOs had failed and that water was leaking through. Videos of the biblical flood surfaced on social media, showing frenzied residents stacking sandbags, bailing water, and kayaking down submerged roads.
By dusk, something evil started to happen, a source in General Eric M. Smith’s office told Real Raw News.
“We have more experience fighting FEMA than anyone, so when reports of government goons terrorizing citizens surface, we’re the first to know and often the first to investigate,” our source said.
Men in seemingly official attire—FEMA windbreakers and caps—approached citizens standing outside waterlogged homes, asking whether they wanted to file for disaster relief and burdening them with the task of filling out incomprehensible paperwork amid the pelting rain.
According to our source, White Hats soon obtained a copy of the paperwork, a veritable tome indecipherable to the average person, least of all while panicking and watching their possessions and heirlooms floating away. Hidden within the pages, in fine print, was an irreversible reverse mortgage contract stipulating that the homeowner, in exchange for an immediate, one-off $1250 Venmo payment, sign his property deed over to “FEAMA resolution specialists incorporated,” with the agency’s acronym intentionally misspelled.White Hats, our source added, reached out to the Department of Homeland Security to find out whether FEMA had been dispatched to King County, Washington. DHS spokesperson Trisha McLaughlin reportedly told General Smith’s liaison, “We don’t have any FEMA there.”
“We’re obviously dealing with scammers out there pretending to be government agents,” our source said. “It’s bad enough we had to kick REAL FEMA’s ass, but now these fake FEMA are making problems. Marines are going there to see just what the fuck is going on,” our source said.