True to its word, the U.S. Navy Judge Advocate General’s Corps and the Office of Military Commissions resumed military tribunals at Guantanamo Bay following the Labor Day weekend. White Hats, however, seem to have shuffled manpower, for the officer presiding over Paul Pelosi’s tribunal on Tuesday was not Vice Adm. Darse E. Crandall; rather, it was Major General Joseph B. Berger (no relation to Marine Corps General David H. Berger) the deputy judge advocate general of the U.S. Army. His presence at GITMO on Tuesday clearly illustrates forces beyond Navy JAG, the U.S.M.C, and the Special Operations community are working toward eradicating the Deep State. It is, perhaps, a new era of cooperation.
Regardless, Gen. Berger had harsh words for Paul Pelosi, who appeared without legal representation.
“Mr. Pelosi, it would appear you are a prodigious child molester,” Gen. Berger said. “I must admit I’m in a unique situation here, as it’s been my understanding the defendants brought before this tribunal usually stand accused of treason, with other crimes secondary. But you, Mr. Pelosi, are here because state courts refused to prosecute you, even when shown concrete proof of your crimes.”
Disheveled and discombobulated, Pelosi told the tribunal he had never had sex with minors.
“That’s only because you’re 82 years old and can’t, isn’t it? That didn’t’ stop you from offering drugs and cash to touch them and make them touch themselves, did it?” Gen. Berger asked.
He showed the three officers tasked with weighing JAG’s case against Pelosi images JAG investigators had obtained of a naked Pelosi lying beside a nude 14-year-old girl in a San Francisco hotel room. The photos showed Pelosi’s wrinkled hands molesting her body.
“Look, Paul…Do you mind if I call you Paul? That girl in the picture, and she is just girl, and three other girls are standing by right now, to testify remotely, as is the individual who arranged your meetings with them. This is sickening to me. If you come clean, admit your guilt, this panel of officers may show you some mercy, not that you deserve it. I don’t want to be here, in your sight, and I’m guessing you want this over too,” Gen. Berger said.
Pelosi, who had until that moment remained silent, blurted, “I’m a broken 82-year-old man. What can you do to me? Kill me? I’m dead already. Dead inside. You want to know if I touched kids. Yeah, I touched them. What the fuck would you do if you were married to a fucking witch for 60 years? I touched them, a lot of them, but there was never sex.”
“Is that how you rationalize it? How you justify it? We do appreciate your candor.”
Owing to Pelosi’s admission of guilt, Gen. Berger asked the panel to deliver a verdict without having introduced even a single witness. The panel rejected the death penalty, but decreed that Pelosi spend his remaining years as a permanent houseguest at Guantanamo Bay’s Camp Delta detention block.