Clones of long-dead Deep Staters, or those absconding from justice, have been crawling out of the woodwork to disrupt President Donald J. Trump’s gutting of the federal government, a mission he and DOGE administrator Elon Musk, the world’s wealthiest person, have undertaken to slash rampant spending and stop the Deep State from plunging the nation into irrecoverable bankruptcy.
Musk and his team last week became mired in controversy when they accessed the United States Agency for International Development’s (USAID) database and discovered innumerable questionable, unconstitutional, or illegal disbursements, such as spending $50 million on prophylactics for Gaza citizens and, later, funding the liberal mainstream media (i.e., Politico). Meanwhile, President Trump’s federal hiring freeze, mass firings, and removal of DEI and transgender language from government websites enraged Democrats on the Hill and their army of sycophantic civilians.
Democratic lawmakers begged Deep State federal judges to issue preliminary injunctions to thwart “Trump and Musk’s federal government takeover” and called upon citizens to hold mass protests at state capitols nationwide and across Washington D.C.
When Chuck Schumer announced he would attend last Wednesday’s riot at the Treasury Building, White Hats at Camp Pendleton and JAG officers in Pensacola were listening, for JAG has an unresolved indictment with Schumer’s name on it.
The undercover JAG agents embedded within the liberal mob, however, doubted they would catch Schumer. Not because he had security or was a master of evasion but because White Hats had already arrested two Chuck Schumers in the last 16 months—both of which were clones, evidenced by absence of genitalia.
“Despite the destruction of cloning labs in Alaska and Missouri, the clones still pop up all over the place. Either there’s a surplus of premade clones out there, or there’s more cloning labs hidden that we haven’t found,” a JAG source told Real Raw News. “Real, clone, or body double, the more we get rid of, the fewer they’ll have. And eventually we’ll get’em all or they’ll expire, or we’ll find any labs they still have. We figured there was a 1:100 chance the Schumer at the riot was really Schumer. A longshot.”
Jag guessed correctly. Agents had caught up with Schumer and his bulky bodyguard after the rally. They had isolated the pair a block from the Treasury Building on 14th Street Northwest, where Schumer and his guard stood on the curb awaiting their limousine. JAG found them first. In a blur of motion the duo got yanked off the street and pulled inside a nondescript van that hurriedly sped away. The agents in the van prodded them with stun batons and stuck a sedative-filled syringe into the bodyguard’s neck.
They tugged Schumer’s trousers below his waist; his manhood was missing. Our source said JAG “terminated” the clone and “deposited” the still-alive bodyguard in a drainage ditch in Silver Spring, Maryland.
“We’d no reason to keep the bodyguard, and we need what space we have for VIP Deep Staters. They’re probably growing another Schumer right now. Sometimes when we terminate the clones, they void their bowels, and it doesn’t smell good,” the source said.
We asked an offbeat question: “How do the clones, if they lack genitalia, urinate?”
“It’s been our unfortunate observation both male and female clones piss out of their ass—a genetic anomaly in the cloning process,” our source answered.
We also asked if the actual Chuck Schumer might be dead.
“We haven’t caught or executed him, so until we have proof of death, we must assume he’s still out there hiding somewhere,” the source replied. “They’re clones of dead and alive Deep Staters—the Liz Cheneys, the Sonyia Sotomoyers, the Gavin Newsoms, the Janet Yellens and so on. There’s only one surefire way to get rid of the plague of clones: wiping out the ones we find and finding cloning labs still in operation.”