One Hundred and fifty FEMA and ATF agents encamped at Hell Mountain Preserve near Tewksbury, NJ, following yesterday morning’s 4.8-magnitude quake, which rattled a swath of the Northeast and sent New Yorkers fleeing skyscrapers for fear of another 9/11. The epicenter of the aberrant rocker was Readington township in Hunterdon County, less than one mile from Tewksbury and seven miles from President Donald J. Trump’s Bedminster Estate. It was also the strongest quake to hit the Tristate area in 140 years.
Conspiracies spawned and propagated on the internet as rapidly as shaking started, with some X users claiming a Deep State weapon akin to what was seen in the James Bond film Goldeneye caused the earthquake, and others, specifically Marjorie Taylor Green, calling on humanity to “repent!” because a wrathful God had caused the tremors.
Although White Hats aren’t attributing yesterday’s rumble to divine intervention, they haven’t ruled out Deep State weaponry and have a vested interest in ascertaining whether it was a naturally occurring or manmade seismic event.
They currently have three reasons to suspect the latter, per a source in General Eric M. Smith’s office.
White Hats have long suspected the existence of a Deep State secret weapons depot somewhere in central New Jersey. Their suspicions were initially based on Deep State telephone conversations intercepted by Army Cyber Command (ARCYBER) in December 2022 and June 2023. According to multiple sources, ARCYBER had eavesdropped on a conversation between Chuck Schumer and Congressman William Keating (D-MA), a member of the House Armed Services Committee, who wanted to know if the “pine box” received a shipment of “pipe.”
The Deep State has its own lexicon, codewords shared among themselves.
Just as “pizza” and “candy” refer to trafficked children and Adrenochrome, respectively, “pine” stands for New Jersey—the Pine State— “box” means Deep Underground Military Base (DUMBs) or any subterranean hidey-hole, and “pipe” is code for weapons of mass destruction (WMDs).
White Hats, our source said, have spent years deciphering and compiling the Deep State’s rudimentary but cryptic vocabulary.
“Almost everything they [the Deep State] says has ulterior meaning. They’ve got an encyclopedia of them, and they’ll change their words around if they know we or the public have interpreted them,” our source said.
He added that White Hats had sent six teams to search for the hidden weapons facility in 2023, but they came away empty-handed.
“When the quake struck, we couldn’t ignore the connection—the code and the quake, and its proximity to the alleged weapons bunker and President Trump’s Bedminster estate. It doesn’t seem coincidental,” he went on, saying, too, that Gen. Smith has two working theories—a catastrophic accident or a Deep State strike with exotic weaponry.
“The absence of elevated radiation in the area ruled out an underground nuclear detonation, but only the Lord knows what else they might have down there,” he said.
No sooner had the quake hit than Gen. Smith was on the line with 75th Ranger Regiment commander Col. J.D. Kiersey, whom he asked to dispatch a Ranger squad to scour the epicenter for signs of Deep State deception—explosive residue, scorched earth, or perhaps a hidden tunnel leading to a subterranean labyrinth.
Rangers arrived in Tewksbury at 6:00 p.m. yesterday and immediately noticed something unusual: several FEMA and ATF vehicles on the roads. Our source said Rangers in civilian cars discreetly tailed them to Hell Mountain Preserve, where a more significant FEMA/ATF force had established a base camp comprised of ATVs, tactical vehicles, and over 150 armed federal goons, none of whom, our source emphasized, wore Nuclear-Biological-Chemical protective gear or carried Geiger counters.
“That pretty much ruled out a nuke,” our source said. “But they’re there for some reason and it ain’t to help anyone.”
Outnumbered and outgunned 18-1, the Rangers contacted headquarters to provide a situation report and to request instructions. They were told to egress the area and await further orders.
“Not saying where they are right now, naturally. But an engagement then and there could’ve been disastrous. We plan to mobilize a larger element,” our source said.
Asked whether sharing the above information might tip off the Deep State, he said, “If it sends them running for cover, good. We’ll have unrestricted access to the area, and if they double down with reinforcements, well, we have those too—and ours know how to fight.”
Lastly, we asked our source if White Hats gave credence to the simplest explanation for the quake; that it was a rare albeit natural event.
“That’s absurd. Things like this don’t happen for no reason,” he said.
Update: General Smith’s office categorically denies White Hats caused the quake. Had it been them, they would have employed discretion and caution and not risked generating an earthquake that could have, potentially, killed innocent people and wrecked the president’s estate.