The long-dormant Red Hats arose from their slumber this week and deterred illegal aliens from firebombing an Idaho bar that offers free drinks to Immigration & Customs Enforcement agents, Real Raw News has learned.
As astute readers of this site know, when we say “Red Hats” we don’t mean Trump supporters wearing MAGA headgear or Santa’s Phrygian cap, but a White Hat splinter cell that formed under the leadership of former Army major calling himself “Colonel Kurtz,” an alias he aped from the antagonist of Francis Ford Coppala’s Apocalypse now and author Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness. Kurtz has claimed to have 50,000 patriots at his disposal, an amalgam of active-duty and former military personnel, law enforcement officers, and patriotic civilians—a coalition of self-proclaimed Constitutionalists. Kurtz, whose charisma is said to rival President Trump’s, created the Red Hats because, in his opinion, White Hats under General Smith’s command were pursuing and prosecuting Deep Staters too slowly. However, as far as we know, Red Hats haven’t spent much time dismantling the Deep State, save for the time they and White Hats joined forces to repel FEMA’s invasion of Ashville and Chimney Rock, South Carolina, where the criminal bide regime tried enforcing “eminent domain” laws to pilfer valuable lithium deposits and displace residents.
On the other hand, Red Hats had launched reckless and suicidal missions, such as causing an earthquake by detonating an under-construction Deep State hadron collider in New Jersey, blowing up an anomalous undersea dome off the coast of Maine, storming an overseas CDC office in Tbilisi, Georgia, slaughtering nine employees, and partaking in a doomed bid to obliterate CERN.
When last we heard from the Red Hats, they had gone “Obama Hunting,” a mission to eradicate the innumerable Obama clones and body doubles masquerading as the Dark Lord, with the end goal of capturing the real, elusive Obama.
On Saturday, a Red Hat source contacted RRN but wasn’t interested in discussing Obama. Instead, he gloated about the Red Hats’ most recent success: stopping illegals from razing an ICE-friendly bar in Idaho.
The Old State Saloon made headlines 12 days ago when owner Mark Fitzpatrick posted to social media, “ALERT: Anyone who helps ICE identify and ultimately deport an illegal from Idaho gets FREE BEER FOR ONE MONTH at Old State Saloon!” The viral post elicited conservative praise and liberal outrage, as well as threats to kill Fitzpatrick and burn down his business.
According to our source, those threats could’ve seen fruition had Red Hats not intervened.
“I’m not saying who, but either an employee at the bar or a nearby business, a relative of one of ours, told us four Hispanic males, definitely not locals, had been casing the bar three days straight. We got the license plate number of their car; it was a rental. Col. Kurtz sent a six-man team to Idaho to check things out,” our source said.
Upon arriving in Eagle, Idaho, on Saturday, the Red Hats obtained weapons and ammunition from “people friendly to the cause,” our source said, then discreetly staked out the bar in hopes of spotting the suspected menaces. They hadn’t waited long. At 10:30 p.m., as the bar was bustling, they spotted a Kia K5 with a license plate that matched what their source had told them. It cruised slowly along the street, pausing for nearly a minute in front of the Old State Saloon, before accelerating and speeding away. Red Hats tailed it to the American Best Value Inn motel in Boise and confronted the driver and the passenger, both Hispanic males, in the parking lot.
The suspects mistook the Red Hats for ICE, insisting they were Trump-supporting citizens with valid Green Cards. One had a California driver’s license; the other had no ID. The Red Hats zip-tied both men and ransacked the car, finding inside it seven Molotov Cocktails, two Sig Sauer M18 pistols, and a Spanish copy of the Anarchist’s Cookbook, a 1971 handbook with instructions on manufacturing rudimentary weapons and explosives.
“We’re worse than ICE,” a Red Hat told one of the suspects, the barrel of his pistol jammed between the guy’s lips. “Where are your other two buddies, in one of these rooms?”
“It just us, no one else,” the guy said after the Red Hat removed the pistol from his mouth. “We alone.”
“Let’s just see about that,” one of the Red Hats said.
The Red Hats frisked them and found hotel key cards, which they tried on every room at the motel. But they opened only one door: a basic room with two double beds and no other occupants. Inside, though, they found a hard rifle case that held a scoped Remington 700 rifle chambered for .300 Winchester Magnum rounds.
When asked about the rifle, the Molotov Cocktails, and the Anarchist’s Cookbook, the Hispanics demanded to speak with an Immigration lawyer.
“We’ll take you to one’s office right now,” a Red Hat said.
That office turned out to be the Red Hats’ hideout in Eagle, where they tied the Hispanics to chairs and mercilessly beat the shit out of them, pummeling their faces into silly putty with brass knuckles and sap gloves, demanding to know where their other two friends were hiding. Despite being beaten nearly to death, neither man broke, insisting that they, and they alone, had planned to torch the Old State Saloon.
Instead of killing the pair, the Red Hats called ICE and told them where they could pick up a pair of would-be domestic terrorists.
“Maybe ICE came, or maybe they died or still there. In any event, we sent a message, and it’s one we’ll continue to send. We’re back, and we’re not going away,” our source said.