A clone of former pResident “Sleepy” Joe Biden “dissolved” into a puddle of slushy flesh minutes after White Hats armed with a military arrest warrant handcuffed it outside a Democratic Gala at a Hanover, Maryland, casino Saturday evening, White Hat sources told Real Raw News.
Days earlier, JAG Corps learned that Biden—or a body double—was scheduled to speak at the Democratic Party’s inaugural “Fight Back & Win” summit, a tragically dull affair rife with has-beens, washouts, and people the DNC had paid to be there. A playbill named the ever-incoherent Biden as a keynote speaker.
Of concern to White Hats was the fact that, according to their intelligence, Biden would on Saturday be attending a wine tasting event in Napa Valley, California, and because no person can be two places at the same time on the same date, White Hats suspected that one or both Bidens might be imposters wearing Biden masks.
Per a JAG source, White Hats have only a peripheral interest in apprehending old Joe, as he’s been asleep at the wheel from the start, a mindless puppet manipulated by an army of handlers and enablers that dictated policy while he lay comatose in his basement drinking food from a straw and receiving a steady stream of Adrenochrome injections. Although JAG has sent a boatload of Biden’s puppeteers to Davy Jones’ Locker, the nameless ones, the real power brokers who dwell in the shadows, still live among us, surreptitiously influencing policy and accepting orders from their supreme leader, the evil one, the elusive Barack Hussein Obama.
“Both slippery, Obama more so,” a JAG source told RRN. “We’re not exactly confident real Biden’s still living; the Russians seem to think Obama had him whacked after he walked into the Oval Office and saw Obama and Michelle, I mean Michael Robinson, having homosexual sex. We haven’t seen proof of death, so could be disinformation. So, we’re operating under the assumption the vegetable is still alive and might unknowingly know the names of people we’d like to know.”
He noted that genuine Biden might’ve been exposed to the names of handlers now buried in a distant cul-de-sac of his murky, overdosed mind.
“Biden’s brain is a scrambled egg, so it’s not like we could waterboard information out of him. But the thought here is that we could use drugs to pharmaceutically make him lucid enough to give up what he knows. It was worth a shot,” our source said.
On Friday, JAG deployed investigators to the Robert Mondavi Winery in California and to Hanover, Maryland, hoping they might kill two birds with one stone: get the real Biden and one of his myriad doubles. However, JAG’s intelligence proved defective—no one resembling Biden or his entourage showed up in California that day.
However, a person matching Biden’s physicality, mannerisms, and stammered speech did appear at the Live! Casino to trash-talk President Trump. Unbeknownst to the hosts or the paid crowd, JAG agents posing as Democratic donors were among the crowd as a stuttering Biden called Trump a “loser.” The agents saw what the MSM hid from broadcast television; off camera, to Biden’s left and right, two chunky women with purple hair raised cardboard signs above their heads that read “APPLAUSE NOW.” Moreover, the JAG agents rapidly deduced that Biden’s Secret Service detail was a quintet of imposters. As Biden talked, the suited men stared at their phones as though they were playing Candy Crush. Were they legitimate agents, they would’ve had eyes on Biden throughout the event.
“If the Secret Service agents were fake, Biden probably was too,” our source said. “Could’ve been another Arthur Roberts. And if so, removing as many play-actors as we can is important,” our source said.
Following the event, the JAG agents shadowed Biden and two so-called Secret Service agents as they expeditiously rushed toward an armored limousine idling outside the casino. Biden and his agents found themselves surrounded by six JAG investigators commanding them to fall to their knees and relinquish their weapons.
“Do you know who we are?” a suited “agent” shouted. “United States Secret Service protective detail, and this is President Joseph R. Biden.”
“You don’t say,” the lead investigator said incredulously. “Let’s see some IDs.”
The “Secret Service” men, our source said, produced forged IDs.
“One was a Sandy Hook crisis actor,” he said. “The others were unknown to us.”
The investigators zip-tied the fraudsters and shoved them inside an unmarked van, then turned their attention on Biden, who lay prone on cement, hands atop his head, muttering, “I’m President Biden.”
“But of course you are,” the lead investigator said, snapping cuffs on him and tossing him into a second vehicle.
Suddenly, Biden quaked like a frightened animal, body quivering and facial muscles twitching uncontrollably. “What’s happening to me?” he uttered as his face began to liquify and his torso dissolved into a syrupy mass of foul flesh. His remains: a gelatinous glob of meat and bones and a microchip that someone had embedded in its skull.
“We caught a Biden clone,” our source said. “We thought we’d got them all and destroyed all the Deep State cloning labs. But this one, well, he had a failsafe in his head. People think drones are the new battlefield of the 21st Century; wrong! It’s clones.”
The imposturous Secret Service agents, our source said in closing, were taken to a military processing center for interrogation.